Perks of the job

Many IT employees are not fully aware of the hidden perks of their job. I’m here risking life to break the magic IT circle code.

1) All software can be downloaded and distributed to close family, distant family, friends of the family, friends of friends and any stranger you meet at the laundrette willing to pay a tenner. Any suspicious virus infected software should be tested on your work pc as repairs are free.
2) One item of stationary can be taken per day as long as a JCB is not required to transport said item back home and the item does not talk i.e. kidnapping fellow workers is strictly forbidden
3) If any milk remains at the end of the day, you can take it home and resell to your local corner shop
4) Forgery recognition software is non-existent at workplaces, so false expense sheets are willingly accepted
5) Company phone is your personal phone to keep in contact with overseas relatives, especially wealthy ones about to pass away and likely to leave a will
6) All printers can be used after office hours for personal use, especially if you have a printing business on the side.
7) Steal all utilities. Make sure you charge your mobile phone, ipod, laptop, in fact anything bought in the last five years as it’s bound to be portable with a usb socket. Since you may be required to work from home, why not run an extension cable for emergency power to continue 24 hour support and pay no more electricity bills.
8) After the office cleaners have gone, sleep under your desk. No house bills to pay, no mortgage, no council tax, no more problems. Your boss will think you work hard and a bonus should be on the cards. Your home is cleaned on a daily basis, trash emptied daily; there's 24 hour security and a kitchen which is restocked every day! Strictly no pets allowed.
9) Toilet paper can be taken home, but make sure inventories are not religiously taken to avoid suspicion. There’s always one nut in facilities that likes counting and recording useless data.