FROM HELPDESK TO SENIOR DIRECTOR…..in less than a week

Now the conventional way to gain a fast promotion in IT is to present an outstanding piece of work which could even be entered for a Noble Prize award (unless the functional design involves changing a program to ensure WMD’s decimate the world faster).

Loyalty and good honest hard work are not deemed worthy of promotion as there will probably be no one competent enough to replace your job so it’s deemed a risk. This implies useless non-productive workers are rewarded with promotion as their position can be fulfilled by someone in a lower level who will do a better job working half the hours, multi-tasking with a welding rod sticking out of their backside and only using their left foot to type. Hence the reason why Directors constantly look confused but know how to walk 100mph to look busy and important.

Software Developers in a team of two or more will never gain promotion purely because all equally deserve promotion but if one is promoted the rest will probably resign in protest by setting themselves on fire. Look, they’re new to this protesting scene and they prefer armchair protesting so they’ll simply kidnap an important invoice object orientated program and issue a ransom note via blackberry from the staff coffee room.

If you’re a developer, this would be the normal route to promotion:-
Junior Developer - Developer - Senior Developer - Team Leader - Manager - Director - Senior Director

Unfortunately I’ve seen the following occur at a company:-
Support Technician - Resignation - Unemployed - Senior Director of Support Services

And a lot of this

Programmer – Programmer with a blackberry – Programmer with a blackberry and on 24 hour support – Programmer with a blackberry, on 24 hour support and a car park space - Retired

The unconventional and more popular way to gain a fast promotion is to threaten a Director with evidence that can ruin his personal life.

If neither conventional or unconventional routes are up to your conscience levels, then join a company where titles are meaningless and promotion provides the HR department with an excuse to exercise their creative title writing skills.
Or simply join a company where any display of working an hour beyond the call of duty will result in a promotion; where the ability to perform a vlookup in Excel will result in an after work party; where restricting yourself to one toilet visit per working day will be “duly noted”.

And if you work on Helpdesk and all three happen in a week…then you’ve gone from Helpdesk to Director in less than a week. Con ‘f**king’ gratulations.