Should we also elect our IT Directors in a similar manner to the General Election? Or should they be elected based on friendships or family relationships rather than talent, which is the normal tradition. Aren’t all IT Directors a secret coalition as you’re given the job because you’re obedient to your master and not allowed to think for yourself i.e. a puppet government. Let’s review the positives and positives……yes, that was not a typo, of a democratic electoral vote.
Employees should have a minimum of three potential candidates to elect who cannot be related. Each candidate should submit his ‘promises’ and manifesto to employees and allowed a budget of 100 pounds (excluding donations) for campaigning. The longer the campaign, the better for employees as drinks to bribe voters will have to come from the candidates own pocket (it has been proven fictitious expense fraud increases in the run up to IT Directorial Elections mainly by the candidates).
Employees should vote in closed doors and supervised by a neutral i.e. someone who does not work with a computer and has no link with the IT Department, in fact someone who doesn’t even know there is an IT Department at the workplace and who thinks IT stands for Immigrants Toilet.
An IT Director leadership contest should only last two years before a re-election. This is sufficient time to deliver on his promises even if they cram the entire manifesto in the last week before re-election. IT Director pay should be performance related and expenses should be made public to employees.
Here’s a typical manifesto or a Dummies Guide to Election Victory for an IT Director
1) Promise to install a decent coffee machine as the 5 pound Tesco one has seen better days after two weeks use, let alone two years. Placing a cleaning filter in every six months or hiring a contractor (IT Directors lazy good for nothing brother who splits profits with IT Director) to ‘service’ it every 4 weeks is not washing……….away the grime.
2) I will promise to smile and greet passer-bys with a hello in the morning, plus fresh croissants everytime my expense sheet is signed off by myself.
3) I promise not to hire dumb contractors just to spend the allocated budget before year end. This is like giving a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle (which you worked on for a year) with 20 pieces remaining to a 6 month old baby. He’ll come along, rip the thing apart, try and place things where they shouldn’t go, take a break, let his guard
4) I promise to allow the World Cup to be broadcast live at the workplace. Simple, effective and a crowd pleaser. You may have to extend to the Rugby World Cup, afternoon Eastenders episodes and Supermarket Dash to gain majority share.
5) I promise to make all Director expense claims, especially the
6) I promise to leave the country with my wife, kids and mistresses and never return if 99% of the votes are against me.
