Are we there yet?

I think when we were all kids we must have uttered those words which were immediately followed by a flying object directed to our face by one of our parents. No, not (for a girl still in school) "I'm pregnant" or (for a boy) "I got a girl pregnant" or (for both) "I'm queer"; no, the words I'm pondering are "Are we there yet?".

Unfortunately, these insufferable kids grew up and became IT Directors or Managers. The phrase uttered every five minutes have slightly changed to "Have you finished that program yet" or "This is really urgent" or "This is top top top priority". All uttered while invading your private space every five minutes, even following you in the toilets, on your way home and a splurge of sms messages at 11pm every night. Also do not place any ornaments on your desk as its an excuse to make small chit chat before the phrase "Oh, by the way, have you finished that...." is uttered; and have no doubt, it will come. Unfortunately it is against the law to grab a baseball bat and whack these space invaders over the head and you are forced to go through the lengthy process of a restraining order.

The same annoying kids also think they can do the impossible. For example, if you say I did 100 keepy-uppies with a football, they will come back with "Well I did 1000 just using my shoulders", without even blinking and passing a lie detector test. These traits are then used in IT meetings with business partners. For example, the CEO will ask, I want that IT system up and running in a year. The IT Director will say I can get it up and running in three months. It will be up and running in three months but with 10,000 bugs, a stream of never ending support contractors and an IT Manager who opts to take all the blame to safeguard his job and is now constantly dreaming of eating the IT Directors heart with a bottle of Chianti.

So all you need to be a good IT Director is little to none technical ability, an annoying habit of preying on your staff every five minutes 24 hours a day, stating every project is high priority (and sometimes having five high priority number one must do taks in the same hour), agree to every business demand with deadlines immediately cut and the ability to pass lie detector tests when you're taken to court.